You may or may not have heard of a Squishbug before. They are extremely extremely rare and fortunately I am one of the few leading experts on the species as I was given the crazy good luck of adopting one. Statistically, there are only about 10-20 Squishbugs in existence today. How was I lucky enough to come across one? By pure chance. You see, Squishbugs are not easily identifiable when they are young, a Squishbug must grow into his full Squishiness making it very hard to know if a kitten will grow into one. But odds are your kitten will not grow into a Squishbug because as previously stated they are incredibly rare. So what makes a Squishbug?
Squishbugs have a few key identifiers that separate them from a normal house cat:
- Squishbugs are notorious pillow stealers. They will wrap their bodies around your head as you sleep and slowly push you off the pillow until it is all theirs.
- Squishes disguise themselves as normal Domestic Shorthair Tabbies until around 6-8 months when their Squishiness will start slowly developing
Our first picture, at the humane society the day I adopted him. - Squishbugs get extremely concerned when they see their human in a bathtub. They will sit very closely to make sure you are alive and will give you many kisses to ensure you are safe. Some even will sit on the edge of the tub and dip a paw or two in just to make sure the water isn’t too hot for their human.
- Squishbugs will insist on kisses. They will also insist on being picked up and hugged every time you come home.
- Squishbugs will follow you everywhere, including the bathroom. Once in the bathroom with you, they will insist on you holding them whilst you pee.
- If you rush to the bathroom and forgot to let them in, the Squish will be waiting right outside of the door when you exit. His expression will be of extreme annoyance and he will be mad at you until you pick him up and give him kisses.
- A Proper Squishbug will have stripes on his back and spots on his stomach. His body will be shaped like a tuna fish (as shown below)
- He will also love belly rubs.
- Squishbugs sleep mostly on their backs and will use other cats or their human as a foot rest as they sleep.
- A Squish will have very large owl like eyes with a round face. His mouth will be pronounced with a distinct fur outline.
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Rog in his shark. Notice his adorably outlined mouth.
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- A Squish is very smart (the most intelligent of the felines) and knows his name and all name derivatives/nicknames but will only answer when he wants to.
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Squishes are world renowned for their sass.
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- A Squishbug will show his agitation by knocking over things. He can also not help himself around Tea-2-Go cups or other clear cups containing liquid.
- Squishbugs are not very athletic cats and also have a very big fear of the outdoors
- A Squishbug will sleep very close to their human all night to keep them safe unless another human is there taking up all the room.
- If another human is there taking up all the room then the Squish will insert themselves between the pillows of the two humans to express it’s distaste for being replaced
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A Squish is possessive and loving to his human.
- Â A Squish will imprint on one particular human that they will love and cherish always
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Squishes are by far the most cuddly species of cats.
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- Squishes will only use their meows to show displeasure for a situation or when they want you to do something for them
- The main form of communication used by the Squish is their ears. A change in ear shape or direction expresses their emotions. The infamous “airplane ears”, which a Squish will use when feeling agitated, is a signature move of the Squishes.
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A minor set of airplane ears
- A Squish can not help itself around a bag of treats, it will tear through the paper or plastic container and eat all the treats before you can even blink.
- Squishes will develop a puzzling addiction to catnip. Their highly trained noses will find any and all catnip hiding in the house and they will devour it and then roll around high all day.
- A Squish will frequently nap in your bathroom sinks during the day until he becomes too large for the sink bowl. He will then nap on top of your things, especially if you are trying to do something important or study.
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A Squish has no boundaries
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- Squishes are obsessed with shopping bags and will climb in and play in any all shopping bags.
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Charlotte Russe appears to be his favorite bag to play in.
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- Squishes favorite TV shows include Keeping Up With the Kardashians, The Office, and Robot Chicken.
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Squish just hanging out.
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- A Squish knows no boundaries when their human is eating food. A squish must be offered the human food or he will become grouchy. A squish enjoys Roast Beef the most but also loves “chimiken” (as they call it).
If you ever find yourself around or possibly owning a Squishbug, then you will be for a treat. The greatest thing about Squishes is that everyone who meets them immediately loves them, even non-cat lovers. Squishes are the most loyal creatures in the world, a far better companion than even a Labrador. A squish is a social creature who prefers other cats to play with and most importantly to lounge on.
Roger, my Squishbug, is the most important thing in the entire world to me. He is my best friend and my soul mate (and i’m not even kidding). He and I have unconditional love for each other and I sometimes wish Squishes were less rare so that everyone could have their own Squish to love and cherish. But this is not the case and my Squish is the best cat one could ask for.
If you are thinking of getting a pet, remember that a Squish or any cat is a lifelong (20+ years) commitment and responsibility. Also, Adopt!
-quesocats
Queso, Cats & Cinema 